Pre Radiation Appointment

I am slowly getting closer to  being done with my cancer treatments. Today I went to McKay-Dee and met with the staff in Radiology.  I got five pin-prick size tattoos. I'm ready to start on Dec 1st.

This is the only picture I took. Indigo is in the waiting room, admiring her new blankey.

weary

The word for today is WEARY. That is how I am feeling.

I've told the story of giving honest answers, I think. My HAs. After Roxcy died I was asked how I was and I gave the standard answer, "I'm fine." (Honestly, how many of us really want to hear how someone really feels?) I was told to give the honest answer for this person knew I was not fine. After that for awhile I recorded in my journal daily my HAs or honest answers.....the true way I felt and most likely wouldn't share.

Today I am weary. To the bone, inside out. I hear the other side calling. it seems so close. I'd rather not be where I am. I am so tired of the day to day effort to survive.

Radiation

I am slowly healing from the surgery and today I met with the radiologist. I just want to get done with this stage of my life.

I didn't take any pictures. This is a recent one from the yard.

Surgery

I haven't recoded much about the operation. I guess there isn't much to record? I went in. The cancer was removed. End of story. Is that denial? The pathology came back. It looks like they got it all. YAY. I've been removed from what the doctor said.

The day was more involved than that. I got a mammogram, I got ink put in me. I went to sleep. I remember they put the mask on me and said to breathe. In and out. Then I was told they were putting something in intravenously and would get tired. When I started the breathing I went to my meadow place and the giant butterfly was fluttering around and Dixon was there and he curled up on my lap and I don't remember anything after that, until they woke me up. I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to come back and I was crying. I was still in the warm, sunny meadow, but I was with a little boy with hair the same color as Dixon's--maybe that was Dixon in another life?

The doctor told me it had gone well.... and I just wanted to go back to sleep and i cried. She said she would talk to me when I was more awake. Why did I have to come back to this life. To this place. I do not want to be here.

Pictures. Before & AFter.